For the past 5 years I have battled with my weight. It all started shortly after I started being harassed online by an ex-friend. I turned to food and it made me happy. For years I would drown my anxiety in sweets and sadly I allowed food to control me. Three years ago I decided that I wasn’t going to let anyone control my feelings and my emotions. I wasn’t going to allow a stranger to dictate my life for me, or affect my family any further. So I put on my non-running Nike sneakers and went for it. I completed my first 5K and proved to myself that I could do it. I lost 50 pounds that years and I was well on my way to saying goodbye to that fat girl forever.
Then after a lovely vacation with my husband we found ourselves expecting our third child. It was that second pregnancy that left me so out of shape. I went from 145 pounds to 235 pounds (at that time the harassment was the worst) and that year my baby was born at 10 pounds. I was so unhealthy during that pregnancy that I didn’t know it would cause later health problems. They say that moms who give birth to 10 pound babies are more likely to have gestational diabetes and in my third pregnancy I found myself checking blood sugar levels. My world became once again consumed with food, everything I could have, everything I couldn’t. It was all about counting carbs and making sure I had enough protein. I gained 24 pounds during my third pregnancy but also found I had extreme round ligament pain. After 17 weeks of pregnancy I stopped running and stuck with minimal exercise and a strict diet. I learned a lot from having gestational diabetes.
After Mia was born I was even more determined to get in better health. Having a taste of diabetes I never want to go through that again. I want to run that half marathon – I will run that half marathon.
Yesterday I posted this photo of me in my size 8 jeans. I haven’t worn these jeans in two years. I’ve lost 36 pounds since January 1st and I’m excited about this summer. I’m excited about being able to keep up with my children, and running with the sun beating on my shoulders. I’m excited about swimming for hours in the pool and enjoying crisp fresh fruit. I’m excited about the future.
I remember last year when I tried to put on these jeans and they wouldn’t even go up my legs let alone zip and look decent. I remember thinking to myself – what if they never fit?
Then I rededicated myself to my health. I fell in love with Zumba again and found that dancing is my meditation. It’s help me re-find my hips and I’m so grateful for music. I’m grateful for the other women who dance along side me because they inspire and push me to keep going. I realize now that I enjoy feeling my heart beat and the sweat dripping down my back. I enjoy running 5 miles and challenging myself even further.
I’ve said goodbye to the fat girl. I will never again see her but I realize that – that person taught me many things.53 pounds later.
I’m looking forward to the future for each day brings new things. New challenges, new memories to enjoy and new moments to be a part of. I hope that if you are on your weight loss journey you know that if you work hard today you will have a brighter tomorrow. That if you find something you truly enjoy doing you will be happy.
Follow your bliss.
And I’ll follow mine.