All too often I see moms post online about kids and bullying, trying to use their voice to educate parents on bullying in schools. All too often children enter playgrounds and feel different. Heck, I was one of those kids! I was picked on in middle school for not wearing cool enough shoes, then picked on some more for my hair, my clothes and who knows what else. I don’t like to look back on those years as an adult because of how painful they were.
In a world that is ever increasingly “online” I often struggle with how much I share about my kids. Some day will someone Google my daughters and find my posts written in pure love and take those words and torment them? The thing about bullies is they never grow up. They’re hurting children with their own issues who take it out on others.
I live a pretty public life so it shouldn’t have surprised me when I found myself again being bullied. All it takes is one woman/bully mom who doesn’t like you to make your life miserable. As I look back on those years I wasted trying to defend myself I see a young meek woman who didn’t have the guts to walk away. Or maybe I just wasn’t mature enough to deal with the situation…
Most women look back on their pregnancies with much admiration but you know what I think about. I think about all the tears, the fighting with my husband, the emotions of just wishing the bullying would stop.
See I was bullied through out my entire pregnancy, images taken of me on a persons cell phone then used to post on someones blog stating “look at this drunk” “she guzzled 3 glasses of wine”. I was tortured day in and day out in my online life. The truth is, it wasn’t just my online life as my life very much is intertwined with the online world. It affected me, a pregnant woman sitting behind a computer screen I cried and pleaded for mercy.
The thing is bullying knows no bounds. It reaches children and adults, on the playground and online. What I have learned is that by walking away I have all the power. I have the ability to tune it out even if it keeps coming at me. My husband walked up to this bully mom and introduced himself recently as someone who’s so vocal about me online in person she had nothing to say. Hey, I’m Del I’m the husband to the woman whom you’ve said so much about online.
He wanted a real human connection, not words behind a computer. But still…Nothing!! She came home and in fact last week my site was shut down because this same bully mom was looking for a way to affect my life. Had nothing to say to me in person but online my ignoring her just was too much so she found my Review FAQS that were actually written during the creation of Mommies United 6 years ago. The site I created with my sister and a few other well known bloggers. It migrated from that blog to this one years ago! Claiming the content was created by someone else my site was shut down and rather than throw a fit about it I removed it. My content now is way better than it was six years ago and I was not about to let this bully mom continue to affect my life. I deleted it, well done, walked away.
The reality is when a bully wants to get to you they will show no mercy. They will do whatever it takes. I went as far as to hire lawyers, call the police, and now I’m sticking with ignore the existence of the bully. It hasn’t worked for me yet but I really hope one day it will. I could continue a legal fight but to be honest I am emotionally exhausted. I allowed this person to take one of the happiest times of my life and leave me with nothing but bad memories. My pregnancy should have been mine, and I will never allow someone to take from me that way. EVER AGAIN!
I encourage every woman who has dealt with a “fight online” or a bully mom to just brush it off. Don’t let it go as far as it has for me. Learn from me and don’t defend yourself from the start. Just walk away knowing that all that person wants to do is see you down. If you let them, they win! Leave knowing that in the world there are just some people who would like nothing more than to see you fail. Rise above and guess what, you win!
Oh, Kristin! I just came across this post, and I am so sorry to learn you are still dealing with all this. I believe you are right that the only way to take the power back is to ignore the bully and refuse to let them get to you. Obviously that is much easier said than done. But we can’t control someone else’s behavior; we can only control our own. And we can choose NOT to give them power over us. Hang tough! You have the support of many, and hopefully you can find strength in that…
i know exactlly what you are talking about in this post, I’m glad you wrote about it.. Some people just need to grow up.
I’ve been following your site now since your pregnancy (wow it’s been awhile!) and can’t believe it’s still going on. Some of the stuff was so awful I honestly couldn’t help but cry for you because it was so hurtful and ugly, you’re a much stronger woman than I would be in a situation like that. Actually I was going to start my own blog about the time all this was getting really bad and decided against it because of what you went (are going) through. I really hope one day this will all be behind you!!
Sounds like a certain bully is so jealous of you, she can’t even focus on her own life.
It’s a little wired that she just doesn’t let it go…
Are you kidding? It amazes me how many women -adult women – bully! It made me so sad to read your post but the entire time, I was nodding because your words are so true.
I’m a teacher and not only do I try to fight bullying in my school but I also deal with parents bullying me and each other!
I too like you wish I could ignore it but it is so hard!
One thing I know true is energy. Not to seem wooo wooo but I believe that the type of energy you put out comes back to you 10 fold. So I can’t even imagine what the world will be throwing to this woman with the way she has treated you….
This makes me very sad. I hope you find peace!
I’m so sorry that it just keeps continuing on.
Moms can be really awful to one another… which makes no sense to me because it feels like we should be lifting each other up and trying to honestly help each other out rather than heckle and be otherwise mean. Even more so when it comes to being bloggers. I mean, we should be able to either get along, helping one another out… or live separate but CIVILLY.
Honestly. Thumper taught us all that if you can’t say sump’thin nice you don’t say nothin’ at all. How hard is that for certain people to understand?
THE WORST OF IT, to my mind, is that it’s relentless. And that the other party actually thinks that she’s sneaky, or tricky.. and not COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY TRANSPARENT.
Amen! I have a group of women who are obsessed with me and I had to go as far as to make my entire FB private and not post on a mommy board because of their “spies” I did one last “hoorah” to let them know I think they are just jealous of my life because I’m actually happy and I’ve since ignored everyone involved and anyone who could take information back to them. I still don’t post as much on my blog because it gives them ammo and they comment…but I’m sure in time I can share more again and not have to worry.
I hate it that they’re suppose to be adults…raising other little people and if they think it’s ok for them to do, what are they teaching their kids?!!?! it’s just a vicious cycle and it SUCKS!!!!