From the moment Kaila was born, I knew my world had changed. Kaila was the ultimate gift that the Lord had given me and she was ultimately is world and my everything. Her Father and I were thrusted into the roles of Mommy and Daddy, and although we have enjoyed every moment, we have also learned a lot.
I look back over the past five years and in many ways it makes me sad. Sad for all the things I didn’t do right and sad for all the things I could have done better. I often reflect on my past and in doing so it gives me a chance to learn, which helps me to change for the better.
The past five years seems to be a blur. I look back and thnk about all the joy and the love I have for her. I would give the world for her, although in many ways I didn’t.
Those eyes, those ears, her tiny hands, and her tiny body. I feel so guilty as if somehow I’ve missed the past five years. It all went fast, way too fast. I didn’t grow up enough and didn’t do it in time.
As a young mother I could have never appreciated the gift I was given. It pains me now as a mother to think about what has happened. Those years seem so long ago and I can never get them back. All I can do now is look forward. Young mothers don’t have it easy. We don’t know it all but we think we do.
Young mothers are special in that they love so deeply for their children, yet are still somewhat of a child themselves. Young mothers need nurturing and time to grow. To reflect on their experience as a mother and the experience of what it was and what it can and will be.
As a young mother I’ve learned that you can never give up.
No matter how much it hurts.
I’ve learned that you can’t always win.
I’ve learned that kisses are magical and can heal any wound.
As a young mother I’ve learned that admitting my mistakes is not a weakness.
I’ve learned that time may heal wounds, but not all.
What I’ve learned most is…
Change is growth! No matter how young you are.
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Kristin, this is a beautiful post! I was a young mother too with my son, and I think that there will always be things you wish you could have done better. I think you are an excellent mother and keep in mind that you have so many more years to be all you want to be with your kids!
((hugs))
As a not-so-young mother, I agree wholeheartedly!
This is a beautiful post, and I love the pictures! <3 Well said girly. Well said.
Thanks guys, I’ve come a long way. Yet I know I still have an even longer way to go.
Once again, you have brought me to tears. *sniff*
What a beautiful post. I think that this can ring true for most first time mothers, no matter what their age. You should not feel guilty, though. I don’t know you personally, but from your blog I can tell that you love your girls and that you are a wonderful mother!
Thanks Tisha, it means a lot to me. It’s funny because sometimes I think I am too emotional, and too sappy but writing posts like this helps me to reflect.
I just feel as if Kaila missed out on so much and Brooklin has so much more. Now that I’ve grown and I somewhat, know more about parenting. I feel guilty in many ways that Brooklin has it better than Kai.
Anyway thanks for reading I love you guys.
Aww, we all make mistakes Kristin. I’m sure you gave her tons of love. She was a little doll too, such a sweet little face
By the pictures you post, Kaila doesn’t look like she missed out on much. All our children need from us is US. (Well and a diaper change or two, maybe some milk here or there)
I became a Mom at 25, not so young, but young enough to still be a little irresponsible. With Ben I felt like I couldn’t do enough for him. I couldn’t let him out of my site, ever. Now that Wil is here, I know that though kids need us, they need their own time too. I don’t always run to Wil when he wakes, I give him some time to learn.
Our first kids are our trainers. They’re the ones that teach us how do be Moms. And Yes…we will make mistakes, but not just with the first, with all of our kids…
Beautiful Post…very honest and heartfelt. When Your Girls are grown I’m sure they will know just how much of a wonderful mom they have.
That was a great post and it is cool to see how you have grown as a parent. The best years are ahead for sure.
Kristin,
I wasn’t that young either when I had Adrian (28 yrs old) and I can still relate to a lot of what you’ve said. They say our first are our guinea pigs and we sort of learn from them. You are an amazing mommy and Kaila and Brooklin are very lucky to have you as their mother. Hugs!
Thanks Susie! I’ve missed you.
Jen you are so right, that is exactly how I feel. Kai was my trainer, she got all my mistakes.
I just hope that one day my mistakes don’t bite me in the butt. I feel so guilty I feel like Brooklin gets more time then Kai ever did.
Thanks everyone for reading and for sharing it’s so nice to know that others feel this way. No matter how old, or young you may be.